Depression: I Can See Clearly Now

You know that Johnny Nash song, I Can See Clearly Now?  That's the song that keeps popping in my head these past few weeks.  If you need a refresher, it starts like this:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

A year ago I would have laughed at that song, but not a "boy that is so funny" laugh, but a "yeah right" laugh.  A year ago I couldn't see clearly at all.  I felt like I was drowning in a downpour of rain.  And those dark clouds did have me blind and along with that was a fog in my head so murky that I couldn't function properly. If you aren't familiar with my journey through depression you can check out my first post about it here.

This time last year, my heart would race and I'd have shortness of breath over any little thing that would stress me out.  And believe me, any and all little things did stress me out.  A meeting going too long, not getting an e-mail sent out when I needed to, and not getting to a certain place on time with my students were all trivial things that would bring on anxiety attacks.  It's funny because we've been in school now for just 3 weeks, but I've only had that "oh my gosh, I'm incredibly overwhelmed and stressed out" feeling once.  When we had Back to School Night, which would normally make me incredibly restless, I was eerily calm and excited to speak in front of my students' parents. 

A year ago, Scott's job would have sent me into a tailspin.  He's had a huge sale at work that has lasted since July, which has meant longer hours and working every Sunday.  I was worried that it would alter my mood once school started because we'd have less family time together, but I haven't let it ruffle my feathers.  I've been (for the most part) very patient and supportive.  Last year if this sale had gone on, I would have been in a pool of tears every day, instead of grateful for how successful he has been and how much God has blessed him at his job.

I'm so very thankful to my doctor for diagnosing me with hypothyroidism and depression, so that I could get the help that I was so desperately needing.  After having been on this medication now for 9 months I have seen the very indisputable changes it has had on my family, my job, and my physical and emotional health.  And there's my husband who has always been my rock.  I'm not quite sure how he put up with me during that dark time in my life last year, but I know that it was just as hard on him as it was for me.  He was the one that kept nudging me to go to the doctor and get help.  He's so smart, if only I would listen to him!  God, as always, knew exactly what He was doing when He sent Scott my way those (almost) 10 years ago.

The dark clouds are gone and it already IS a bright, sun-shiny day.  Unlike the song says, though, I cannot see all obstacles in my way.  In fact, the obstacles that I have experienced, especially with the deaths of my grandparents this summer, have given me a greater appreciation for how big God is and how perfect His timing will always be.  Just as it says in Jeremiah 29:11, I know that God has an incredible plan for my life, plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  And no obstacle is too great that He cannot give me the strength to overcome!