Poem: Climbing Out of the Pit

This school year I've been participating in a writing institute with my school district. Once a month I meet with fellow teachers in my district to learn more about teaching the writing process. One of our assignments was to write a poem. To be quite honest I've always hated poetry. I never really understood it, but after the task of writing one of my own I can finally say that I get it. I wrote this poem about my struggle with depression. I have written about this before on this blog here. After having shared my story on this blog and reading the poem to my fellow colleagues during my writing institute, I have learned that so many people struggle with it at some point in their lives. I wish that our society weren't so judgmental about this illness. People are afraid to share this struggle in fear that they will be judged as weak. I know that for me during this dark time, I didn't really want to share how I was feeling with anyone. I thought that I should "have it all together", but I didn't and I didn't understand why. My time in the "pit" was very short lived, so I feel for those that have struggled with it their whole lives without receiving help. Anyway, enough rambling...

Climbing Out of the Pit

Long way down
Deep. Dark. Devastating.
Tear stained cheeks
Tears that make you collapse
Fall to your knees
Tears that make your breath stop
Falling into the pit
False smile pasted on my face.
Wishing. Wanting. Needing.
Something must change.
What will change?
Falling into the pit
Clouds in my head
Dark and devastating clouds
Clouds that make me lose myself
Memory lost
Swords in my stomach
Stabbing
Falling deeper into the pit
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Praying for a change.
What will change?
Something will change.
Help will come.
I call on my Rock
He will answer me
He always does
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Waiting.
In the darkness His strong arms
Reach into the pit
I climb into His arms.
His arms cradle me
They tell me it’s safe now
Climbing out of the pit
The devastating darkness grows light
The light warms my face
He is my light
The light for all the world
Something has changed
No more swords in my stomach
The clouds have disappeared
My tears have dried up
Prayers answered
Smiling. Laughing. Dancing.
Smiling that makes your face hurt.
Laughing that makes your belly hurt.
Dancing that makes your whole body hurt.
Climbing out of the pit.

Big Girl Happenings

So we finally got Bailey out of the crib and into her "big girl bed".  Well, it's actually her crib, but with one of the sides taken off.  Yes, we are those parents that keep their child in the crib until 3 years old.  Partially it was me being selfish because I didn't have to worry about her getting out of bed, but the other part was just that we couldn't find the tools to convert her crib into the toddler bed.  So, we finally got around to it and I was thinking she'd "escape" during the night and wander around the house.  Not at all!  She still just hangs out in her bed in the morning waiting for me to come in and tell her she can get up.

As for the potty training, I thought she had mastered it, but then a couple nights in a row she had accidents.  And one Saturday morning (when she was still in her crib) I slept in and didn't think about the fact that she'd probably need to get up and use the potty, so of course she had an accident.  I felt like the worst mommy in the world, especially when she apologized to me for having an accident.  Talk about crushing a mommy's heart!  Bailey is quite a perfectionist, so when that happened she wanted to go back to pull-ups and was even embarrassed when I told her teacher what had happened.  This girl is 3 going on 13!

Bailey's new activity is playing school with her daddy and me.  She asks us to call her Ms. Bales and of course her daddy is the "class clown" making farting noises and completely annoying Ms. Bales.  I ask all the questions while Scott sits there goofing around.  I think I know what type of student he was growing up!  I feel bad for his poor teachers!  She doesn't like when he goofs off and she's not afraid to get in his face and tell him to quiet down.  Scott tries his best to keep a straight face, but he never succeeds.

I'm definitely loving this 3 year old stage.  I keep waiting for her to turn into this wild child, but it hasn't happened yet.  Here's hoping the next 15 years are this smooth!  Yeah right!  I have to pay for all those teenage years that I had attitude with my mom.

Here's my big girl with her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Monkey: