Poem: Climbing Out of the Pit

This school year I've been participating in a writing institute with my school district. Once a month I meet with fellow teachers in my district to learn more about teaching the writing process. One of our assignments was to write a poem. To be quite honest I've always hated poetry. I never really understood it, but after the task of writing one of my own I can finally say that I get it. I wrote this poem about my struggle with depression. I have written about this before on this blog here. After having shared my story on this blog and reading the poem to my fellow colleagues during my writing institute, I have learned that so many people struggle with it at some point in their lives. I wish that our society weren't so judgmental about this illness. People are afraid to share this struggle in fear that they will be judged as weak. I know that for me during this dark time, I didn't really want to share how I was feeling with anyone. I thought that I should "have it all together", but I didn't and I didn't understand why. My time in the "pit" was very short lived, so I feel for those that have struggled with it their whole lives without receiving help. Anyway, enough rambling...

Climbing Out of the Pit

Long way down
Deep. Dark. Devastating.
Tear stained cheeks
Tears that make you collapse
Fall to your knees
Tears that make your breath stop
Falling into the pit
False smile pasted on my face.
Wishing. Wanting. Needing.
Something must change.
What will change?
Falling into the pit
Clouds in my head
Dark and devastating clouds
Clouds that make me lose myself
Memory lost
Swords in my stomach
Stabbing
Falling deeper into the pit
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Praying for a change.
What will change?
Something will change.
Help will come.
I call on my Rock
He will answer me
He always does
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Waiting.
In the darkness His strong arms
Reach into the pit
I climb into His arms.
His arms cradle me
They tell me it’s safe now
Climbing out of the pit
The devastating darkness grows light
The light warms my face
He is my light
The light for all the world
Something has changed
No more swords in my stomach
The clouds have disappeared
My tears have dried up
Prayers answered
Smiling. Laughing. Dancing.
Smiling that makes your face hurt.
Laughing that makes your belly hurt.
Dancing that makes your whole body hurt.
Climbing out of the pit.

Big Girl Happenings

So we finally got Bailey out of the crib and into her "big girl bed".  Well, it's actually her crib, but with one of the sides taken off.  Yes, we are those parents that keep their child in the crib until 3 years old.  Partially it was me being selfish because I didn't have to worry about her getting out of bed, but the other part was just that we couldn't find the tools to convert her crib into the toddler bed.  So, we finally got around to it and I was thinking she'd "escape" during the night and wander around the house.  Not at all!  She still just hangs out in her bed in the morning waiting for me to come in and tell her she can get up.

As for the potty training, I thought she had mastered it, but then a couple nights in a row she had accidents.  And one Saturday morning (when she was still in her crib) I slept in and didn't think about the fact that she'd probably need to get up and use the potty, so of course she had an accident.  I felt like the worst mommy in the world, especially when she apologized to me for having an accident.  Talk about crushing a mommy's heart!  Bailey is quite a perfectionist, so when that happened she wanted to go back to pull-ups and was even embarrassed when I told her teacher what had happened.  This girl is 3 going on 13!

Bailey's new activity is playing school with her daddy and me.  She asks us to call her Ms. Bales and of course her daddy is the "class clown" making farting noises and completely annoying Ms. Bales.  I ask all the questions while Scott sits there goofing around.  I think I know what type of student he was growing up!  I feel bad for his poor teachers!  She doesn't like when he goofs off and she's not afraid to get in his face and tell him to quiet down.  Scott tries his best to keep a straight face, but he never succeeds.

I'm definitely loving this 3 year old stage.  I keep waiting for her to turn into this wild child, but it hasn't happened yet.  Here's hoping the next 15 years are this smooth!  Yeah right!  I have to pay for all those teenage years that I had attitude with my mom.

Here's my big girl with her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Monkey:

Rockin' the Potty

I must say my experience with potty training hasn't been bad at all.  A couple of months ago I thought it was for the birds, though.  I tried a few different times over the past year with Bailey, but she just wasn't ready.  Since turning 3 a few weeks ago, though, it's been like a switch in her system.  I guess she just knows she's a "big girl" now and needs to do "big girl" things.  I'm super proud of her.  I had no doubts that when she was ready she'd do it pretty quickly.  She's just that kind of kid.  She can be super stubborn (I know most people probably wouldn't believe that) and likes control, so I knew as soon as she was ready it would happen.  At first we bribed her with Starbursts, which she called Squares.  She'd always be victorious on the potty and thrust her arms in the air and yell, "horray", after completing her potty duties (ha, get it?) and then look up at me with those big, blue eyes and say, "Can I have a square now?".  Well, my mom was watching her the other day and after my mother went to the bathroom Bailey told her, "Good job, Nana.  You get a square!".  She's such a little encourager!
Along with the lovely potty training experience, I'm also experiencing the frequent stops at bathrooms all over Austin, even gas stations on our way to Midland.  The other day at Target we had just started shopping and of course Bailey says, "Mommy, I have to go potty."  So, I left the cart there.  I didn't think we'd be that long and who's gonna take anything from our cart (Dora book, Dora panties, and jeggings), plus we weren't gonna be long.  Wrong!  Of course, Bailey had to go Number 2 and while we were in the bathroom she was basically narrating what was going on while a mom and her son were doing their own version of potty training in the stall next to us.  Needless to say, the other mommy thought it was quite funny and it was...until it was my turn to potty and Bailey had to narrate my potty session.  Well, after what seemed like 30 minutes in the Target bano we finally returned to our cart, which was now empty.  I'm assuming it was a Target employee putting the stuff back and not someone taking it from our cart.  Seriously, who would want Dora panties?  Those were for Bailey, by the way.  Well, Bailey started to cry because she thought someone had stolen her Dora book.
It really has been a pretty easy transition and I'm pretty grateful to not have to deal with diapers in the near future.  She even stays dry over night!  It's a little bit sad, though, because it means she really is growing up and I'm not just imagining it.  Sigh...

Christmas

Well, it's been a while since I've posted and quite a bit has happened.  I've mostly been busy with my new part-time photography business, Becky Roberson Photography.  It's been very exciting and rewarding, but has kept me extremely busy during an already busy time of year.  So I've have been quite the slacker in the blogging department.  I completely skipped over Thanksgiving.  Yikes, oh well.

It had been a while since I went to the Trail of Lights, but we decided to go with some friends Opening Night.  Big mistake!  We spent an hour on the shuttle bus to the Trail of Lights, then we got in line with the rest of the herd group of people to walk at a snail's pace through the lights.  The best part of the night was when our friend's baby had a poopy diaper on the shuttle ride over there.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't enjoyable, but I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt!  The rest of the night was definitely lacking in the laughter department.  Needless to say, we probably won't be doing the Trail of Lights for a LONG time!

Our church had a birthday party for Jesus, which was super fun.  Scott and I took Bailey to enjoy some Christmas crafts and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.  She was so cute making her Christmas tree.  She's very much like Scott.  She works carefully, doesn't rush, and wants everything precise.

Anyway, we did quite a bit during the Christmas holiday.  It didn't help that my school didn't get out until the Friday before Christmas.  So, it felt pretty rushed.  We spent the weekend before Christmas Day with both sides of my family.  Then, we spent Christmas Day with Scott's family.  Katie and Adam were in Indiana during the Christmas holiday, so we didn't get to see them during the Bergfeld/Sexton Christmases.  So, my parents, Bailey, and I traveled to Midland to spend some time with them.  Bailey had a great time enjoying her special birthday party her Aunt Katie threw for her.

Christmas Eve at Woodlawn

Opening up gifts from Santa

She wore her baker's outfit from Santa all day

Singing Christmas carols with her cousins

Scott barely fit in that tent

Bergfeld Christmas

It's tough having a daughter whose birthday is very near Christmas.  I think she thinks her birthday was a month long.  And don't get me started on all the toys.  Yikes!  She's a very lucky little girl!