Thought-provoking Lesson from a Four Year Old

It has been soooo incredibly long since I have posted on this blog and I have no excuse except that life has happened.  The last time I wrote on this blog Bailey was 3 years old.  Now at 4 years old she is teaching me quite a few lessons about myself.

Here is one in particular that I hope to apply every day:

I was having a conversation the other day with Bailey on the way to school and she asked me the question, "Mommy, what do you like about yourself?".  I answered quickly with, "I'm funny."  She giggled at that because of course I'm funny to her....she's four years old.  And I realize that I am not all that funny to most adults.  I have the humor of a third grader, which works out for me because that is what I teach.  I digress....

So the conversation continued and I asked her the same question in return.  Here is what my very pragmatic and positive four year old said:
"I like my eyes because I can see with them."
"I like my ears because I can hear with them."
"I like my nose because I can smell with it."

Wow!  Just wow!  I am 33 years old and have never looked at it like that.  Here's what my response would have been:
"I like my brown eyes, but sometimes they seem dull and I wish I had blue ones."
"I actually do like my ears because they don't stick out."
"I definitely don't like my nose.  It is too big and too wide and I have thought about a nose job before."

I thought about this the whole way to work.  When I say those negative things about my body, I'm also saying them to God.  He created me and what I'm saying is, "Your creation isn't good enough."
I need to think about what God gave me and stop complaining.  I need to see the blessings in my life and be grateful for the life, the body, the brain, the family, the grace....everything God gave me. 

My self talk needs to sound like this:
"I love my legs because they help me walk, play soccer, chase my daughter, and dance."
"I love my eyes because I can look at my daughter and see her beautiful, smiling face.  I can see God's amazing creation." Oh, and I love my eyes because at 33 years of age I still don't need glasses.  Of course that could change any day now...
"I love my nose because it shows my German ancestry."

God has blessed me more than I ever deserve and I need to be grateful for every day He gives me on this Earth. 

Poem: Climbing Out of the Pit

This school year I've been participating in a writing institute with my school district. Once a month I meet with fellow teachers in my district to learn more about teaching the writing process. One of our assignments was to write a poem. To be quite honest I've always hated poetry. I never really understood it, but after the task of writing one of my own I can finally say that I get it. I wrote this poem about my struggle with depression. I have written about this before on this blog here. After having shared my story on this blog and reading the poem to my fellow colleagues during my writing institute, I have learned that so many people struggle with it at some point in their lives. I wish that our society weren't so judgmental about this illness. People are afraid to share this struggle in fear that they will be judged as weak. I know that for me during this dark time, I didn't really want to share how I was feeling with anyone. I thought that I should "have it all together", but I didn't and I didn't understand why. My time in the "pit" was very short lived, so I feel for those that have struggled with it their whole lives without receiving help. Anyway, enough rambling...

Climbing Out of the Pit

Long way down
Deep. Dark. Devastating.
Tear stained cheeks
Tears that make you collapse
Fall to your knees
Tears that make your breath stop
Falling into the pit
False smile pasted on my face.
Wishing. Wanting. Needing.
Something must change.
What will change?
Falling into the pit
Clouds in my head
Dark and devastating clouds
Clouds that make me lose myself
Memory lost
Swords in my stomach
Stabbing
Falling deeper into the pit
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Praying for a change.
What will change?
Something will change.
Help will come.
I call on my Rock
He will answer me
He always does
Praying. Waiting. Praying.
Waiting.
In the darkness His strong arms
Reach into the pit
I climb into His arms.
His arms cradle me
They tell me it’s safe now
Climbing out of the pit
The devastating darkness grows light
The light warms my face
He is my light
The light for all the world
Something has changed
No more swords in my stomach
The clouds have disappeared
My tears have dried up
Prayers answered
Smiling. Laughing. Dancing.
Smiling that makes your face hurt.
Laughing that makes your belly hurt.
Dancing that makes your whole body hurt.
Climbing out of the pit.

Big Girl Happenings

So we finally got Bailey out of the crib and into her "big girl bed".  Well, it's actually her crib, but with one of the sides taken off.  Yes, we are those parents that keep their child in the crib until 3 years old.  Partially it was me being selfish because I didn't have to worry about her getting out of bed, but the other part was just that we couldn't find the tools to convert her crib into the toddler bed.  So, we finally got around to it and I was thinking she'd "escape" during the night and wander around the house.  Not at all!  She still just hangs out in her bed in the morning waiting for me to come in and tell her she can get up.

As for the potty training, I thought she had mastered it, but then a couple nights in a row she had accidents.  And one Saturday morning (when she was still in her crib) I slept in and didn't think about the fact that she'd probably need to get up and use the potty, so of course she had an accident.  I felt like the worst mommy in the world, especially when she apologized to me for having an accident.  Talk about crushing a mommy's heart!  Bailey is quite a perfectionist, so when that happened she wanted to go back to pull-ups and was even embarrassed when I told her teacher what had happened.  This girl is 3 going on 13!

Bailey's new activity is playing school with her daddy and me.  She asks us to call her Ms. Bales and of course her daddy is the "class clown" making farting noises and completely annoying Ms. Bales.  I ask all the questions while Scott sits there goofing around.  I think I know what type of student he was growing up!  I feel bad for his poor teachers!  She doesn't like when he goofs off and she's not afraid to get in his face and tell him to quiet down.  Scott tries his best to keep a straight face, but he never succeeds.

I'm definitely loving this 3 year old stage.  I keep waiting for her to turn into this wild child, but it hasn't happened yet.  Here's hoping the next 15 years are this smooth!  Yeah right!  I have to pay for all those teenage years that I had attitude with my mom.

Here's my big girl with her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Monkey:

Rockin' the Potty

I must say my experience with potty training hasn't been bad at all.  A couple of months ago I thought it was for the birds, though.  I tried a few different times over the past year with Bailey, but she just wasn't ready.  Since turning 3 a few weeks ago, though, it's been like a switch in her system.  I guess she just knows she's a "big girl" now and needs to do "big girl" things.  I'm super proud of her.  I had no doubts that when she was ready she'd do it pretty quickly.  She's just that kind of kid.  She can be super stubborn (I know most people probably wouldn't believe that) and likes control, so I knew as soon as she was ready it would happen.  At first we bribed her with Starbursts, which she called Squares.  She'd always be victorious on the potty and thrust her arms in the air and yell, "horray", after completing her potty duties (ha, get it?) and then look up at me with those big, blue eyes and say, "Can I have a square now?".  Well, my mom was watching her the other day and after my mother went to the bathroom Bailey told her, "Good job, Nana.  You get a square!".  She's such a little encourager!
Along with the lovely potty training experience, I'm also experiencing the frequent stops at bathrooms all over Austin, even gas stations on our way to Midland.  The other day at Target we had just started shopping and of course Bailey says, "Mommy, I have to go potty."  So, I left the cart there.  I didn't think we'd be that long and who's gonna take anything from our cart (Dora book, Dora panties, and jeggings), plus we weren't gonna be long.  Wrong!  Of course, Bailey had to go Number 2 and while we were in the bathroom she was basically narrating what was going on while a mom and her son were doing their own version of potty training in the stall next to us.  Needless to say, the other mommy thought it was quite funny and it was...until it was my turn to potty and Bailey had to narrate my potty session.  Well, after what seemed like 30 minutes in the Target bano we finally returned to our cart, which was now empty.  I'm assuming it was a Target employee putting the stuff back and not someone taking it from our cart.  Seriously, who would want Dora panties?  Those were for Bailey, by the way.  Well, Bailey started to cry because she thought someone had stolen her Dora book.
It really has been a pretty easy transition and I'm pretty grateful to not have to deal with diapers in the near future.  She even stays dry over night!  It's a little bit sad, though, because it means she really is growing up and I'm not just imagining it.  Sigh...

Christmas

Well, it's been a while since I've posted and quite a bit has happened.  I've mostly been busy with my new part-time photography business, Becky Roberson Photography.  It's been very exciting and rewarding, but has kept me extremely busy during an already busy time of year.  So I've have been quite the slacker in the blogging department.  I completely skipped over Thanksgiving.  Yikes, oh well.

It had been a while since I went to the Trail of Lights, but we decided to go with some friends Opening Night.  Big mistake!  We spent an hour on the shuttle bus to the Trail of Lights, then we got in line with the rest of the herd group of people to walk at a snail's pace through the lights.  The best part of the night was when our friend's baby had a poopy diaper on the shuttle ride over there.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't enjoyable, but I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt!  The rest of the night was definitely lacking in the laughter department.  Needless to say, we probably won't be doing the Trail of Lights for a LONG time!

Our church had a birthday party for Jesus, which was super fun.  Scott and I took Bailey to enjoy some Christmas crafts and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.  She was so cute making her Christmas tree.  She's very much like Scott.  She works carefully, doesn't rush, and wants everything precise.

Anyway, we did quite a bit during the Christmas holiday.  It didn't help that my school didn't get out until the Friday before Christmas.  So, it felt pretty rushed.  We spent the weekend before Christmas Day with both sides of my family.  Then, we spent Christmas Day with Scott's family.  Katie and Adam were in Indiana during the Christmas holiday, so we didn't get to see them during the Bergfeld/Sexton Christmases.  So, my parents, Bailey, and I traveled to Midland to spend some time with them.  Bailey had a great time enjoying her special birthday party her Aunt Katie threw for her.

Christmas Eve at Woodlawn

Opening up gifts from Santa

She wore her baker's outfit from Santa all day

Singing Christmas carols with her cousins

Scott barely fit in that tent

Bergfeld Christmas

It's tough having a daughter whose birthday is very near Christmas.  I think she thinks her birthday was a month long.  And don't get me started on all the toys.  Yikes!  She's a very lucky little girl!

Life is good on the Big Island

So...my sister, Katie, is one of THE most spontaneous girls in the world.  She called me earlier this October to ask if I wanted to come to Hawaii with her.  She was going for a work conference, so I wouldn't have to pay for the car or hotel.  Katie knows me way to well (duh, she's my sister) and knew that I would totally say yes even if it was last minute.  She did the same thing to me when we went together to Europe.  So of course I said yes and thankfully Scott and my parents were on board to help out with Bailey while I was living it up in Hawaii.  Thank you!!!
 We landed in Kona, Hawaii which is on the Big Island and then drove about 20 minutes to Hilton Waikoloa Village.  I'm so glad that Katie's company was paying for it and not me!  Hawaii is a 5 hour time difference, so that took some getting used to.  Pretty much all we did was lounge by the pool and read our first day there.

The view from our room

I kept looking at the clock and was ready to go to bed at 4:00 (Hawaii time), but felt like a loser, so we went to bed at 8:00 instead.  Hey, that's pretty late Texas time (past midnight).  Little did we know there was a tsunami warning that night.  We had no idea; we were dead to the world!

The next day was our ATV tour of Waipio Valley.  It was about an 1 1/2 hour drive to get there and we drove through some pretty breathtaking towns.  One in particular I loved was Waimea.  It was so green and the clouds were low on top of the hills.
 We stopped for lunch and shopping there before heading to Waipio Valley.  I had never been 4-wheeling before.  Scott had one as a kid, so he didn't really think it was such a big deal.  But, I'm sure 4-wheeling in Hawaii is much better than 4-wheeling in Johnson City.  Just sayin', Scott!  Anyway, so we rushed through our safety speech before jumping on our own Honda Rangers.  After a quick little practice circle drive we were off!
I was following Katie and a gal from New Zealand was following me.  Katie should have told them to put her at the front of the pack because she kept tailgating the girl in front of her, while I lagged behind enjoying the gorgeous view.

I loved staring at the eucalyptus trees

 Actually, I liked all the space in front of me, so that I could speed up when I wanted to,especially when it was time to drive through the mud puddles!  This was one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my life!  During the drive up to the top of the mountain we drove through tall eucalyptus trees.  I felt like I was in a scene from Lost minus the smoke monster and random polar bear. At different points in our tour we stopped for some amazing pictures.

Waipio Valley behind us

We also stopped to swim in a waterfall.  Of course Katie was the first to go in and I was going to be a big baby because the water was so cold and it had started to rain slightly, but then I realized that I was in Hawaii and wouldn't have this opportunity ever again.

 

After the waterfall we headed down the mountain to get a better view of Waipio Valley.  It was gorgeous as you can see from the pictures!

 Then, of course, we were exhausted from our 4-wheeling adventure and just relaxed and ate dinner the rest of the night.  Our next day would be spent snorkeling at Hapuna Beach. 

Apparently, Hapuna Beach is rated one of the top 10 beaches in Hawaii and I could see why.  The sand was soft and white.  The water was a gorgeous turquoise and it was perfect for snorkeling.  Katie and I swam out pretty far to a little coral reef to snorkel.  It wasn't very crowded since we were there around 10am, so it was perfect!  After snorkeling we wandered around the beach and found a little cave and rocky area to take pictures, but on the Big Island the rocks are super rough, so it was pretty tough to walk on them barefoot, while putting my camera timer on.  So we finally just set it on the sand.

We continued our snorkeling adventures back at the hotel where they have a salt water lagoon.  The lagoon had much more fish to look at than Hapuna Beach did, so that was nice.  But, the best part were the sea turtles.  I swam right along with 3 of them.  They were huge and so cute!  

We also pool hopped as this place had multiple pools with waterfalls, hot tubs, and waterslides.  And yes, Katie and I went down the waterslides. Katie had to actually work my last day there, but just in the morning.  So, I decided to take a walk along the coast and take some pictures.  The coast on the Big Island is a little different because it's a rocky coast and not a sandy one, so this is what my hike looked like.

Pretty crazy, but they did sort of have a trail for you to follow.  I wasn't exactly climbing over rocks on my hike just walking on smaller ones.  Not your average walk along the beach, but fun and breathtaking none the less! Of course, the rest of the day was spent pool hopping some more before I had to head to the airport that night.  It was a quick, but amazing trip and I'm so glad that I got to go with Katie.  And of course, so very grateful that Scott and my folks helped with Bailey so that I could get this opportunity!

Great Fall: Welcome Home

My "childhood" buds

The year was 1994.  I was a 14 year old freshman newly transplanted to Austin from California.  I hardly knew a soul in Austin and Great Fall Retreat was the very first thing on my list of experiences with the new church my parents already called "home".  It was at that retreat many moons ago, that I met some of my soon to be lifelong friends.  Fast forward 18 years to 2012... Now I'm a mommy of a toddler, no longer a camper, and serving at the same camp alongside those same friends. 

Bailey and Daddy in the morning

Great Fall has been, as long as I've gone, at the HEB Encampment in Leakey, Texas.  It is like a second home to me and actually my parents, too.  My father accepted Christ at this camp and he met my mother there, as well.  It definitely holds a very special place in my heart and I was so excited to get to share that with Scott and Bailey this year. 

 Normally at Great Fall I serve on the rec team (now I'm too old for that) or the kitchen crew.  However, this year our youth minister asked Scott and me to help lead one of the bible studies.  So Scott and I led the 9th and 10th graders in the Saturday morning study. These teenagers were so eloquent and knowledgeable of the bible.  I called them the "AP" group! They seemed way more mature than what I remember being at 9th or 10th grade.  We were studying Psalm 139 where David writes about how God knows everything about us and knows everything that we do.  Scary to think that He is there to see all the good and the bad, but it's a relief to know that He's there all the time, especially when you need Him most.

Playing in the sand at the volleyball court

 During our bible study we got onto the subject about making your life an act of worship.  One of their concerns was how busy their lives were and how hard it is to fit in time with God.  And, boy after hearing all of the activities they are involved in, in addition to school, they are definitely busier than I am! We talked about how everything you do on a daily basis can be an act of worship.  I recounted many times that I missed opportunities to make my choices for God instead of myself.  Falling short is something I do on a daily basis, but God is just to forgive and mighty to save.

I think the moment God spoke to me the most this weekend was listening to the band Dutton play the song Welcome Home.  I immediately thought of my grandparents and how when they died, God welcomed them running with open arms and said, "Welcome home my child."  It's a beautiful song and I know that someday I will be able to hear those same words.  Until then I pray that my life can be full of daily worship of Him.